Expectations are a normal thing and we all have them in various aspects of life and so in relationships. At the very beginning of a relationship, when hormones flood our body, we feel like we’re hovering, we feel incredibly good.
We want and expect that this feeling of love will last a lifetime. However, in reality, these feelings start to disappear at some point, so at times it seems to many that the other side does not like them.
That, however, is probably not true. Love indeed becomes more stable, deeper, and more thoughtful, and if you want a healthy relationship that will last that end of your life then you have to accept that new reality.
Among other things, if they exist, you have to get rid of unrealistic expectations that very often lead to problems in the relationship and even to its end. In the following, we have singled out six unrealistic goals, ie expectations that destroy relationships even before they get a chance to progress.
1. I have to be the center of his attention all the time
When a man conquers a woman, he will do anything to conquer her. He will take her to the cinema, to dinners, trips, do whatever she wants to keep close … Once she achieves the goal, she moves on to other important things, such as making money for the two of them.
At that point, you may feel as if your partner is neglecting you or not caring because you are suddenly out of the spotlight at all times. At the same time, if you complain about these things, the other party may think that you do not appreciate it enough.
It is therefore important to know that we all have obligations to fulfill, including work, family, and friends. Each of these things is important for enriching our lives.
So find things that will keep you entertained without necessarily having to do with your partner. It is a reality in which healthy relationships “live” in which you will, of course, set aside time for the two of you. For example, you can specify that Saturday is your day to spend together.
2. If he loves me, he just read my mind
This is a common thought in unhealthy relationships. But – doesn’t that sound crazy? Do you know what your friends, children, family are thinking … Probably not, but you love them.
Expecting the other side to read our minds is unrealistic and detrimental to the relationship. If you expect some things, then state your expectations. For example, if you expect your partner to help you clean up, tell him that instead of arguing because he didn’t think to do it himself.
Communication is key. It is important to get in the habit of asking for what you need, explaining your wishes in detail, and saying what their fulfillment would mean to you. Happy relationships and marriages are those in which the partners are aware and provide feedback.
3. You have to agree with each other always and constantly
The expectation that you will get along with each other all the time is not realistic. Many people indeed avoid confrontation because they are afraid of ex-communication if they show disagreement, but it is also true that we all have different backgrounds, beliefs, and thoughts and it is okay if someone disagrees with them.
You should appreciate and accept the person more if he or she does not always agree with you because it is a harder path than agreeing. You must learn to agree that you do not agree and that you do not convince the other party to think differently. Of course, disagreement about some core values is still a more serious problem and these are things that, at the moment when the relationship becomes serious, it is important to talk about so that you would not have big problems later.
4. The connection must be and will be easy
Relationships are not easy, relationships are challenging, they change with age, and love alone is not enough to succeed. It may seem easy or simple at first, but after a while, you have to give up the expectation that everything has to be easy because it doesn’t have to be.
When you become aware of a reality in which not every moment is ideal and your relationship will move in a better direction, and all that time, healthy communication is key.
5. He has to change because of me
Let’s be honest, we all want the other side to change in some things at some point. However, expecting the other side to change just because you think something is wrong is in some ways showing disrespect. A person changes when he wants to change himself, and he doesn’t need to change to fit into your molds.
In conclusion, a healthy relationship does not mean a perfect relationship at all times, and when you stop expecting unrealistic things, you will increase the chance that your relationship will last and thrive in the years to come. Of course, all of the above applies to both sides.